College

So I've just made a stifling discovery: I'm going to 10 hours away from the girl I've wanted to be with for the past... oh i don't really know how long. Thinking college would be the perfect opportunity for her to actually be able to date me I did some research on the distances of our two colleges... 10 hours. I will be at the very North West of the largest connected state in the US and she will be at the South East. very close to the coast. I'm not so sure why I've become so attached to this girl; at age 18 no one is supposed to feel so needing of someone else. Maybe it's because I've never been fond of relationships and attachment and subconsciously I've thought of a way to care about someone without ever feeling like I've let them down. Maybe she really is a genuine match for me. As much as I hate to admit it, I haven't been able to figure out with of the two. I feel like a little girl. She passed me in the hallway the other day and waved. Who knew a wave and a smile could hold such an impact on the recipient. I feel completely idiotic; I feel like I've given her the impression I just don't care. Which is far from the truth- I'm just trying not to make a complete and total idiot out of myself. This is allot harder for me than it should be.

Looking at that mapquested red line is like looking at remorse. I wish I could go back. If possible, I would have said something to her sooner. I am ridiculous for feeling lonely because of someone who has no idea I care about them as much as I do.

Hmm, this is the most emotional sincerity I've written so far. I'll probably delete it later to save myself. I don't want anyone to think a blogger.com emo wreck.