Turkey Day?

Other Wise known as: "Argue with family about whatever, stuff your body till you can't breathe without it hurting, and pass out cold from the amount of tryptophan intake Day." I leave the lbk area on wednesday at noon to fly back to my little picture perfect suburban town by 1 p.m. and I just know I will want to leave long before sunday. I miss my family and everything but... the g-parents are going to be there as well and... i don't know. I just feel a huge fight coming on followed with a "So do you have a boyfriend yet? No? Why not? Stop being so picky!" I have always wanted to follow their response with a, "You know, all the boys I've met so far just don't have big enough tits in my opinion."

(The plan was that I was going to re-comeout of the closet to my parents [they thought it was a phase], but I'm pretty sure doing it to the whole family would just be a little much. Plus, I really can't imagine what my 11-year-old cousin would do when she found out her role model kisses girls.)

But what I honestly want to be able to say to my family when they ask me about who I'm dating is: "She's beautiful. Her name is ----, she's in the army, she's going to nursing school next year, and waking up to her in the morning just makes me want to stay there with her for the rest of the day."

I really was not expecting anything when I met her; she had a girlfriend... well now she's a boy so I supposed it's safe to call her a boyfriend... of 2 years. The boyfriend lives in England and is absolutely in-love with her. Problem: She is a lesbian. As much as she tried to get used to the transitioning it didn't change the whole lesbian factor. They broke up and now we are unofficially dating. He's going to be flying in to spend thanksgiving with her and he'll be in three hours. He wants to kill me. I'm going to meet him. Suspense.

I think what I'm feeling right now isn't jealousy- I want them to still be friends- I think what I'm feeling is just pure nervousness.
I'm nervous about meeting him.
I'm nervous about what to say to him.
I'm nervous about what he'll say to me.
I'm nervous about what he'll do to me.
I'm nervous about what he'll do to her.
I'm nervous about what they will say to each other.
I'm nervous that he'll try something.
I'm nervous she'll let him.
I'm nervous about...

Pretty much everything at this point.

I think two completely failed relationships in a row would just be a little much right now. I think it was stupid to get attached to someone so much... again. Not saying I'm falling as hard for this one as I did the last one, I'm just saying I could and I know it. He's going to be here for ten days. That means nearly two weeks of not getting to really be around her. That means nearly two weeks of them being together constantly and sharing rooms together, and maybe beds together. I am very nervous about this whole thing.

Which brings me back to the whole family thing. I want so badly to be able to talk to my mom or my dad about her. Just to be like, "Hey, I'm scared I might lose her tomorrow, so please listen to me without looking away."