Something I will never understand is why, when I deal with a tragic event, I have to deal with a dozen things worse enough to make me not want to get out of bed in the morning. I've been sleeping in until early after noon and there are days where I go without eating anything and others where I can't eat enough. This small college town is eating away at me and I once again feel a need to move. I'm heart broken and screwing up everything; I can't wait for the sun to come out again. We broke up, my close friend died, and school seems slightly unimportant to me right now and it shows. Now even me moving to australia for the summer seems slightly less exciting. I want to just stand in the middle of a crowd and scream at the top of my lungs until nothing else can come out. I want to cry until I'm dried up. I want to throw up until there is nothing else. I want to be able to start over, to kiss her every chance I could, to call him whenever I had time, and I would like for just once to be in control of my life. Fuck fate. I just want to be happy right now.